Last week, on beloved Soluter ZoeZ‘s post on Christine, equally beloved Soluter Miller remarked that tension in the adaptation came from John Carpenter being inherently cool and Stephen King is inherently a nerd, and thus the former couldn’t fully capture the distinct uncoolness of the story’s protagonist. This division has been bouncing around my head all week and I love it – as a nerd, the chance to categorise my faves is inescapable. It’s become a fun game for me now, assigning a completely arbitrary and vague word to a complex, soulful work. Miller was right – John Carpenter is inherently Cool. He doesn’t speak or act any more than he has to, which is almost the dictionary definition of Cool. Stephen King is inherently a Nerd – he can’t help but babble enthusiastically, defining terms and sharing stories drawing from a deep well of knowledge. This game is especially fun if you refuse any kind of nuance and commit yourself to one term or the other – no “well, he’s 75% nerd and 25% cool” kind of bullshit, you have to pick one or the other.

Jim Jarmusch? Easy, he’s Cool. Doesn’t give a shit if you understand what he’s doing, doesn’t explain himself any more than he absolutely has to (coolness is effortless). The Venture Bros? Nerd. Even through the cynicism, there’s an enthusiastic sharing of information that we all know. Max Payne? Intoxicatingly nerdy. Max’s perpetual narration may sound cool, but it’s also the relentless definition of terms and analysis of what’s going on around him, and the games themselves are the gleeful sharing of cliches. Blackadder? Unshakeably cool. The show, like the title character, calmly and methodically delivers simple and elegant plots, at least past the first series. LOST? Nerdy. One way of looking at it is that it’s an encyclopedia of things the writers know or have seen.

Then you can get into the cases where something that looks like one is actually the other. The Shield, despite the jock status of its main characters, is actually a Nerd. One looks at Vic in particular; he may appear to be a gleeful, manipulative people person, but one watches his arc and realises his true gift is his intense calculating ability combined with his deep practical knowledge of his subject, a standard Nerd skillset, and his charm and ability to manipulate slowly erode as anyone gets to know him. Similarly, the show appears brash and melodramatic but slowly reveals a methodical, patient approach that draws on combining cop show cliches to their best effect. Nerdy.

Conversely, Mad Men appears nerdy at first with its intense philosophical approach and all-encompassing interest in its topic, but the show’s real strength over seven seasons is its Coolness; memorable imagery and lines combined with a quite and straightforward competence in its storytelling (perhaps the difference between Cool and Nerd is that the former is quietly competent while the latter shows off, no negative connotations intended). Quentin Tarantino films seemed hard to pick, but ultimately I have to go with Nerd. His films are filled with cool imagery, cool actors, cool ideas, but that’s a direct result of him analysing Coolness so hard that he can recognise it, use it, and pull it in. He’s simply too geeky, too enthusiastic to be truly Cool. Look at that title image – he thinks he’s the coolest guy in that car, but he’s not.

What works would you put in the Cool category, and what would you define as Nerd?