Women are socialized to look at the world differently. I’m sure that isn’t a universal truth, and goodness knows it’s not the same different gaze from culture to culture, but there’s enough in common so that I think it’s possible to unpack exactly what is meant by “the female gaze.” At least, I plan to try.
We all know what the male gaze is; it’s one of possession. Everything is seen through a view of how it could be possessed by the viewer. A lot has been written about it, so I don’t really feel the need to put much effort into explaining it here.
What, then, is the female gaze? I think the first adjective you need to use to describe it is “subtle.” Another good word might be “askance.” In more than a few cultures, women are taught that looking at things directly is for men. Sideways, not head-on. The image that springs to mind first for me is a woman with a fan—that could be any one of several cultures, and in all of them, the gaze from behind the fan is the female gaze. Or the veil.
I think there is more longing and less demanding in the female gaze. Even when it is something the woman wants—and make no mistake, women are completely capable of visual desire—her glance is oblique. The gaze does not take control but instead sips as if a full drink would draw attention to itself.
If I were filming a scene about desire that was intended to represent the female gaze, the object of that desire, whatever or whoever it was, would not be at the center of the frame, or possibly just not in the foreground. Much attention would be put into everything else in frame, because the object of desire cannot be all that is observed. Someone would notice if you were staring, so you just observe the whole of things.
When I was in seventh grade, I had first and second period from the same teacher in the same room, and we didn’t have a break. The object of my desire passed under the window on his way from his first period class to his second period class every day. I knew that, and I watched for him. I’m sure more than a few people knew what I was doing, too; my crush wasn’t the world’s best-kept secret, all in all. But a stranger to the class might have merely thought I was watching what happened as the period turned and kids went from class to class out the window. I seldom turned my head to watch as he walked past and instead made much use of my peripheral vision.
That is the female gaze. The gaze that seeks what it wants, yes, but which can be believed not to have anything in particular that it does want. There are moments, I think, where the female gaze is less circumspect, but usually, that is when the woman is already in possession of the desired thing. It is possible to watch one’s husband or children or what have you greedily, but not just a random man.