This week, the American Academy of Pediatrics released a statement advising pediatricians to actively discourage their patients’ parents from spanking. It doesn’t produce better parenting results, and it psychologically harms children. So, you know, that’s a good reason not to do it. Other countries have banned it for years. And the thing is, this isn’t new. There are several cartoons from the Nephews years of Donald Duck that involve his varying attempts at parenting; this is only the most explicit support of just spanking them.

Donald is doing yard work, and he’s expecting the nephews to as well. Only instead of chopping wood the way they’re supposed to, they’re off playing what we used to call “pretend games.” A little shoulder professor—like a shoulder angel or devil, only in a cap and gown—appears to Donald and encourages him to use child psychology to get the kids to do what they’re supposed to. It doesn’t work. Worse, a circus train is passing the area, and a cage car full of “genuine cannibal pigmies” [sic] is disconnected and crashes. Both Donald and the shoulder professor manage to confuse the three cannibals with his nephews despite their being a horrific racist caricature that in no way resembles a duck.

In the end, Donald spanks the cannibals, who flee. He scares his nephews enough so they chop their wood. Then, he takes the shoulder professor to the woodshed as well. Because the professor tells him that it’s all psychology, after all, and Donald says he’ll show the professor psychology. So, yes, the end decision is “go ahead and beat up the kids; it’ll be fine.” Indeed, it implies that it’s probably the best thing for them, and if an adult’s spouting nonsense, go ahead and beat them up, too. Which is unsettling as hell.

The thing is, I don’t think Donald has really explored all of his options. “I’ll pretend they’re killing me so they’ll have to chop would to light me on fire” is . . . strange. I don’t think that would’ve gotten us to chop would—and I mean, doesn’t that imply they’re actually going to light that fire? I like a good roast duck, but we all pretend not to think of that when we look at Donald. But there are a lot of parenting choices between “pretend to be their pal” and “beat the crap out of them.” Neither one is how I get my kid to clean his room—we don’t have wood for him to cut, even if I’d trust a five-year-old with a hatchet.

Really, that’s the issue with most of these cartoons and things that suggest spanking is the best way to parent. They just mock the very idea of other parenting options. They don’t take the idea seriously that parenting is work, that you have to put time and effort into getting the best possible result. Instead, you spank, and it’s fast and easy, and your nephews will do what you want them to do. I do question why anyone would take parenting advice from Donald Duck, Aquatic Sociopath, anyway. You figure the way he parents is the style that produce him, and why would you want that?

And, hmm, those cannibals. Oh, dear. I mean, technically, they’re not cannibals, because they’re clearly intended to be humanoid, at least, and they’re eating a duck. But they chomp wood with their teeth—which is another thing that should have been a clue that it wasn’t the nephews, after all—and are labeled in their cage as cannibals. A cage which is open to the elements, mind, so humanoid but clearly not truly human. Also, in addition to the slavery issue, that’s a badly maintained train, since the car does slip off as it’s going up a hill and crash open, albeit not badly enough to kill the passengers. It’s not great.

I think my opinion of Donald Duck has changed a lot over the years. It’s only in the last few years that I’ve begun to recognize how awful he truly is. But I’ve never liked this cartoon. Some of it, I wonder how it could have gotten made, even in 1954. On the other hand, there are definitely worse examples in the Disney future.

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