We’re not teaching my son about Santa Claus. He’s three years old, and he’s been told things about “what Mom and Dad are getting you for Christmas.” There are a lot of reasons for this, not least the friends I’ve had over the years who have dated their distrust of various adults in their lives to the day they discovered they were being lied to about Santa, but the short version is that we’ve made the choice that presents come from and go to people, and no supernatural entities of any kind are involved.

However, it does feel as though not everyone wants to allow us to choose. Not just that people disapprove of our choice, which is just part of parenting, but it actually starts to seem after a while that the default assumption is that our child believes Santa Claus exists, and that no one goes against that. You will teach your child about Santa, and probably the Elf on the Shelf while you’re at it. It’s not even a question.

Santa Claus interacts with Mickey Mouse. Santa Claus interacts with Dora the Explorer. Santa Claus interacts with Masha and the Bear. (They’re obscure, but my kid loves them.) Santa Claus interacts with Elmo. Santa Claus interacts with Tigger and Pooh. IMDb shows the character of Santa Claus in TV appearances dating back to 1938. 625 of them, all told. Plus 407 movies dating back to 1912 and 64 direct-to-video appearances.

It’s not that I mind Santa, exactly. It’s more the treatment of Santa as real and those who don’t believe in Santa as cold and unimaginative. Okay, so Mickey has to help Santa save Christmas, but there’s the constant conflation with Santa and Christmas. No one in the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is giving anyone else a present; it’s all from Santa. There’s a lot of shaming of Donald for having feelings that aren’t completely positive—he’s mad, for example, when Mrs. Claus nearly runs him over with a reindeer, and he’s told that if he isn’t good, he won’t get any Christmas presents. Which what is that?

We’re never going to teach my children that they have to be good in order to get presents, because that’s not true, for starters. Even if we hadn’t already bought his presents, we don’t give him presents because he’s good. We give him presents because we love him. Often, because they’re things we think he should have—he got a tricycle when he turned two, for example. We save up presents for special occasions so he doesn’t expect big items just at random. I don’t think we’re alone on this.

But in these cartoons, no one gives people gifts. Santa does it all. When I was growing up, I got to see Bert and Ernie struggling with how to provide gifts for one another. (Seriously, Sesame Street does “Gift of the Magi” gets me every time.) Dora has to save Christmas not by doing good things for others but by helping Santa to do them. Though I will say that at least Masha learns that not all presents are for her, which is certainly a valuable lesson, but the presents she gives the various forest animals are from Santa’s bag, not from her.

Actually, I guess even if I did teach Simon about Santa, I’d resent some of these. Because there’s not much about being good and loving. Like I said, Donald Duck is supposed to suppress his feelings, because if he doesn’t, he’ll ruin Christmas. That’s pretty unfortunate, since he frequently has reasons to be upset. On the other hand, the thing he’s most concerned about is making sure that Santa gets his Christmas list, which is naturally the show’s comically long one. Also, one of the things on his list is a bologna sandwich, for some reason.

So it is not, in the end, that I have a problem with Santa, I guess. It’s that I have a problem with how Santa appears in these things. With how the message is about presents and selfishness more often than being a good person. Even that brief moment where Bob wishes Mr. Hooper a happy Hanukkah is missing.