Every now and again,  a weak work will have a moment of grandeur. A great line, a great scene, a great joke, or even a great character. I do like the Stargate television shows; since writing my essay about their weaknesses, I threw my hands up in the air and started working on a ripoff of their universe, which has made me more appreciative of its positive qualities. But it’s not a franchise I turn to for its piercing insights into the human condition. The one exception is a line that keeps bumping around my head; in season three, episode six, the team has travelled to an alternate universe, Teal’c brutally kills his alternate self to briefly take his place and secure a plan to return to his home universe, and remarks: “Ours is the only reality of consequence.”

I still believe in empathy. I believe the world would be a lot better if more people would exercise it. But I’ve also learned it comes extremely easily to me compared to other people – when I see someone react emotionally to something, my first instinct is to puzzle out why they reacted like that and what chain of logic created that emotional response, and I don’t think most people immediately react that way. Teal’c line is a slap in the fact to that perspective, and it serves two purposes. Firstly, Teal’c’s view is how I think a lot of people think. If we all have a universe within ourselves, most people concern themselves with just the one, and I’m more effective at interacting with people if I respect that, no matter how frustrating (or sociopathic) it looks from my perspective.

Secondly, we’re all a lot better off if I act as if mine is the only reality of consequence. One of the downsides of empathy is the loss of individual identity. In some ways, this is a necessary thing; how many men would personally stand to gain in romantic relationships if they’d just fucking listen to women on occasion*? But I know how many of the problems in my life directly caused by my own actions (as opposed to being created by the world I live in) were caused by ignoring my own motivations and pretending I was acting entirely selflessly, where I was trying to spare the feelings of other people only for my irritation at them to bubble out and eventually explode.

At my lowest, my complete lack of any internal identity – particularly personal motivation – left me completely unstable. In my young adulthood, I tried imitating all the things I thought we were supposed to do, but because my heart wasn’t really in them, I failed quite badly and thus even failed at my ostensible goal of making others happy. Conversely, the more selfish I’ve acted and the less I’ve taken on other perspectives – letting another reality enrich my own without enveloping it entirely – the more effective I’ve been as a person.

A concrete example: when my father’s dementia was really starting to take hold and he required 24/7 care, I was unemployed, single, unable to drive, and living in the only city I’ve ever wanted to live in. If my goal was to lighten my family’s load entirely – my mother and sister (who was living with her at the time) were corroding under the responsibilities of caring – then the technically correct thing to do would have been to move in with them and take on the greater responsibility of Dad’s care.

In considering this, Teal’c’s line bounced around my head. Mine was the only reality of consequence. My main priority was maintaining what comfortable lifestyle I had, and my secondary priority was spending time with my father before he passed, so I made a decision: I would visit one weekend a month. My resources within my limited universe at the time were nothing more than a small amount of my time and energy, as well as the amount of money it took for the bus each month.

I’ve posed this as a moral conundrum to people a la the trolley problem. My mother has friends and family who had far more resources than I did at the time – my aunts and uncles and cousins who have cars, houses, high-paying jobs, families, children and grandchildren, and have contributed far more to society in a practical sense than I have. I had less than them and deliberately and selfishly gave less than 100%, but in a manner that was consistent and honest. I’m not content that I did right, but I’m content I did what I wanted, and the result is that my mother trusts me far more than any of them. Listening to a dumb scifi show paid off.

What are your moments from otherwise bad pop culture that stuck with you?